take time to muhasarawak diri..

my life has always been damn complicated, naturally. not that im asking for it. (who ever did?) its just that troubles always have their ways to find me =p . i always thought there's something wrong with my brain. my paranoia, inability to focus on one thing, my lack of interest towards everything, my over reactive sensitivity, my lack of confidence in socializing, and other disorientations i am having, oh, the list can go on and on and on..i mean, seriously, are these normal? i have long known that i am kinda abnormal in a lot of ways, but honestly, with this extra long list of defects, this is not just plain abnormal. in fact, i think i am abnormally abnormal. lol

oh and you must be wondering, why the heck do i suddenly openly talk about this? this ought to be something personal. especially for people like me. i rarely ever open up to anyone, even to my parents and siblings, let alone friends. its just that, talking and speaking up my mind doesnt seem to be my strongest ability by far. i have always envied my friends who can freely converse and exchanging stories with others without much hesitation, unlike me. they seem so natural while doing it. but me? my actions seem forced, like i was so unwilling to be there. hey, this is true. i feel like this almost all the time. i dont know what are the consequences of publishing this post after this, but to be honest, to tell you the truth, i sometimes hate being myself.

yes, you heard me right. i hate me. =) urghh...

Allah knows i am a jerk. Allah knows i am bad. Allah knows i am sinful. Allah knows i have an ugly heart. for that i seek for Your eternal forgiveness Ya Rabb. please save me from this horrible way of life i am leading. Amin....Aminn.. Aminn..

3 Responses
  1. tak slh nk exposed perasaan sbnr kite kdg2,,
    mule2 mmg ssh, tp bile ko da luahkan, ko akn rs lega..

    *but please luahkan pd org y tepat n sesuai.. hehehe...

  2. iman Says:

    haha, still trying to be more open, thanks beb! terharuuuu =0

  3. pe lgi, blnje la kfc

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