being the odd among the oddest

i guess there's no point in having a blog anymore. i practically have NOTHING to write about nowadays. life has been depressing a few days back, but i think i can manage it. just need to settle down few things, then maybe after that i can recover fully. fingers crossed X)

now, lets talk about something brighter =)
how about opkim? yeah thats a good one to start with. well, opkim is the acronym of Operasi Khidmat Masyarakat ( lame, lame..) a kind of field trip which is held every year in different places so that we ( the students) can provide services to the people living in that area where this program is held. im in charge of the P&P secretariat ( P&P stands for pameran dan perkhidmatan) so basically, i need to take charge of the clinical booth ( which is the main service we provided)
and other stuffs too; the blood donation campaign, association with team from NGOs, and lots other significant stuffs.

so, considering the fact that this is my first time involving in a huge program like this, plus quite a tough and challenging post i held, so i really really hope that everything will turn out well in the end, well, the very least, it could turn out to be not so bad. so, fingers crossed again X)

and..oh great, i just remembered i need to finish the bacteriology lab report, sheesh..

lol, i spend some time playing around with some wrapping paper yesterday, and ended up decorating ( well, messing up actually, tsk tsk) some part of my room. good thing i got one spacious room, so it din looked so serabut sgt after this playing-around-with-wrapping paper thingy was done. in fact, dun u think it looked kinda cute?? huh?? ( im suck with creativity, definitely aint no good at all with these kinda stuffs, sheesh..)

aww..i love weekend, its so lovely to wake up late and finally have some quality time for yourself, no worries, no pressures, no chores ( i've finished washing all my clothes yesterday, yay!) but a lab report to

i wish i could turn back the time, and correct the mistakes i'd made...this is not a dream, because it can never become a reality, well as much as i wish that i could wish upon the star, all i can get the very least is the sky ( ?????????????? what is this crap???)

ok, ok, really, its the time for lab report now. im off. =)

giving up already??

hectic hectic!! life nowadays was a hectic!! im physically and mentally exhausted, just thinking about the never ending lectures and labS, makes me wanna throw up at once, why are there so many of them??? in a day?? i mean, one pharmaco's lecture is enough to make me sick, but honestly, TWO?? and continously?? back to back?? like i dun have better things to do....argh this is insane!
all of them!!! they are all insanely insane!! tsk tsk...

i noe life are so not going to be easy as we grow older, but still, this is so sudden, im so havent adapted to this kind of a lifestyle yet, oh right, what am i talking? this has been my way of living since forever..but still, sigh~

to tell the truth, i already felt like giving up hope, giving up everything...i dunno whats wrong, i think im giving up my life right now..i noe this is not right, but i seriously cant live this life any longer... like yesterday, we learnt about how certain amoeba can reach and contaminate your contact lens, which scares the living heck out of me,( cause i wear those like 24/7) but yet, right on that time, i also think that i feel like I DONT CARE.. u noe what i mean? seriously, like i dun care bout myself anymore, like i dun care if something bad happens in the future, like i dun care about eveything, at all, anymore...gosh, i noe this is bad, this is so so so so not right, but i seriously dun noe whats going on with me!! like i din noe myself anymore, like the old me wasnt here with me anymore..i just dun feel right! everything's not right, everything wasnt like the way it's supposed to felt wrong!

i noe i always exaggerating everything, but not this time, this feels different, and i hate this feeling!!

random updates~

people grow up. people change. people questioned about the things that happened around them. and people learned to accept their fate.

i grow up too. and as the time passed, i changed. i've been questioning about everything since i know how to do so. and as the time goes, im starting to accept my fate...

being a grown up is not easy. its never easy. i've seen people struggle to catch the very last breath of their lives, and it made me scared...

scared of what im becoming, scared of how ugly my life is right now, scared of hurting others, scared of how my life would turn out in the end...

........and most importantly...scared of returning to my Creator with handfulls of sins...

im not a good muslimah, i must say that the western had done a very tremendous job in brainwashing me. i fall for their lust. i fall for the world. im starting to forget the HereAfter. and im not blaming them for that. it all happens because i have such a weak heart.

i despise and hate myself.


and very deeply.

gotta get a hold of myself

mamma mia! the new semester has just begun. new subjects, new lecturers, new juniors *cough* and most importantly, a brand new life! yeah baby, tho as much as i wanted to just stay at home and do nothing rather than getting stuck here at uni and college, well what can i say, what choices do i have??
i mean, i picked this course, i picked this uni, i picked to continue to study, so basically, there's no turning back for me. but i'd never regretted this choice. i know this is the bestest decision i'd ever made my entire life. *seriously*

so,so..looks like i've got a lot of catching up to do, plus i need to put extra efforts in studying and understanding the lectures cause boy, quite a tough subjects i have this semester. pharmacology especially, well, for some reason, i find it quite interesting ( pharmaco's lecture hasnt started yet so this is so not gonna be considered as my permanent point of view) and other subjects too, well, their names do sound appealing to me, so why not lifting up my hope for this once? yeah, i mean, really, i really need to get a hold of myself, and keep moving forward. let go of the pasts, get over them, and start a new life.

tsk,tsk..i dunno why, i think there's something wrong with my hormones lately, so i kinda have a mood swing right now, one minute im happy, the next minute im down..hopefully this will end up soon, oh i so need to focus right now, suck u stupid hormone!!! T_T

-all i want right now is for you to stay....
stay....stay....please stay..... please, just this once, stay.... tsk tsk

p/s : see? see? i even had mood sing here... =(

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