DaLaM hAtI aDa TaMAn

double update! yay! urm actually im feeling kinda worn out now after that wikispace assignment i was doing, so i really need to channel out my negative charges here or else i would feel numb the entire night (oke, hyperbola di situ! haha)

masa kecik2 dulu, masa sebelum aku matang sikit macam sekarang (notice i highlight the word sikit??) =P aku ada satu impian...impian aku nak masuk dalam satu dunia fantasi yang mana dalamnya cuma ada aku dan kebahagiaan (eceh!) dulu aku ni memang senang affected, senang percaya, quite innocent i could say, jadi time tu aku sangat percaya yang impian aku ni bukannya tak mungkin. apa yang perlu aku buat cuma tunggu keajaiban tu muncul. aku menanti petunjuk. aku menunggu petanda." be it a rabbit in a hole who will magically be able to speak in human language and take me along into his world of fantasies, or a midget suddenly appears from underneath my bed and asking me to help save his almost ruined magical world, "and 20 other possibilities  a 10-year-old girl could think of.

camni, maybe? haha

the truth is, even now, especially at the times when i felt really really down, and felt like the whole world is against me, and that no one ever cares about me, no one really loved me, that i had no one to lean on, to depends on, to let out my sadness, to share my pain.... i would turn to this hope, to this tiny little hope that these magical things i am dreaming, will somehow, somewhat, become a reality. that's what that kept me going. this faith. this believe. this dream. although i keep telling myself that this is not real, it will never become real, but there's still a little part of me that still wanted to believe them. to hold onto them. to actually believe that these dreams, will finally save me from this sadness. save me from this cruel little world. =)

i know im childish. i know im not realistic. i know im being ridiculous. but to be able to have this kind of dream, this kind of world in me, it makes me feel contented. i dont know about others, but for me, this is my way of escaping from reality, because well, truth be told, reality's always hurt. no matter how hard im faking a smile and laughters in front of everyone, it cannot change the fact that my heart is hurting more and more. i just hope that someday, i can finally found my happiness that i've been searching for all this while. and not just a plain-mere happiness, but a true one. insyaAllah.. fingers-crossed! =D