DaLaM hAtI aDa TaMAn

Hello,

To be honest, I have been opening and closing and then re-opening again this write new post section for the last 48 hours. I have been writing some sentences and then deleted them again only to write the same sentences all over again. The truth is, i missed blogging. But the consequences of having ditching blogging all-together since I started working has now slowly rubbing itself on me. Seriously now, I had no IDEA what to blogged about!! However on the brighter side, the tensions and frustrations building up on how I wanted so bad to blog but had no idea what to write on had finally fruiting a success as it had eventually prompted me to write down my feelings in the forms of words and sentences here, and VOILA! one paragraph is finished already! MUHAHAHAHA
**See, blogging IS easy. I couldnt comprehend why I didnt do this sooner**

So, I have been into a lot of things lately. The lack of time I have at my perusal couldnt stopped me from enjoying what my life could offer, Although I gottta admit, sometimes I missed of going back into campus and having a lot of free time at my disposal. But truth be told, I enjoyed getting money MORE. hahaha. so I'll just try my best to utilize all the times I have got now before I start thinking of what my next steps in  life would be.

So, here it is, I have been having this urge to start taking photography seriously. Just recently bought myself some decent kit and I hope that would make things a lot smoother and easier after this. I just cant wait to learn some new skills and you know, just get out there and take the photos of everything! Oh wow, even the prospects of it excites me to no end!

So, that's a little part of the experiments in which I'm currently working on. I promise I'll update everything in here soon and fast! I just cant wait to share some of my good works! Haha

Until then,

Malaysia menang gol tapi kalah agregat woi. Aku okay je sebab rsa player sume main bagus malam ni. cuma tak de rezeki nak menang, nak buat cemana.

by the way sungguh la lama belog ini tidak ku bukak. bukan update ok, tapi BUKAK. update memang kirem salam la bile dah keje ni. laptop pon bukak sebulan sekali, leulz. skrin siap bersawang.

anyway aku dah selamat bekerja hampir setaun, so far boleh la saving sikit2 untuk plan masa hadapan (yang masih tak tau ape plan itu, tapi kita simpan je la untuk safety precaution kan). all i can say is, bila dah kerja ni memang tak de ruang untuk ko menjadi blur. kalau kau degil mahu blur, maka terimalah kata-kata makian dari para "super seniors yang bajet takde buat salah langsung" secara dalam talian (yakni Internet Messenger).

tempat aku kerja kalau dorang x puas hati memang pakat ngumpat kat IM je, pastu lalu depan kau buat muka pelek. haha boo la sama kau! dah tua pon nak amalkan lagi perangai ketidakmatangan seperti ini.

tapi aku pon sama je XD

haha politik opis kau, di mana-mana pon serupa. kau kerja dekat pejabat agama ke, balai polis ke, or kelab malam, for sure wujud punya konflik. selagi manusia yang bertuhankan napsu pegang jawatan, selagi tulah mende ni pasti ada. gittew.

aku actually tak terkesan pon dengan benda-benda gini. yela kat opis aku ni hanya makhluk picisan saja, orang tak tegur aku aku buat hal sendiri je, janji kerja aku siap (walau hakikatnya jarang dapat siap on time/off time), so tak kisahlah kau nak mengumpat aku ke, nak buat muka taik depan aku ke, or nak buat aku ni invisible aku rasa aku tak kan kesah pon. sebab aku pon buat benda yang sama dekat kau lahanat!! kakakakaka

sorry la, aku kalau tengah2 menaip tetibe beremosi memang cenggini. menambah dosa orang yang baca entry ini pula (hai hasnieza), hahahahaha

tapi kutuk-kutuk aku, marah dan memaki aku, aku tetap sayang job ni, first job, first interview kerja wei, sape tak sayang! gaji pon cukop la buat menampung kehidupan tak seberapa aku ni, hahaha. so sebab tu sekarang aku dah belajar tak nak amik pusing apa orang lain nak pikir pasal aku. (belajar ok!sebab fitrah hidup aku dilahirkan memang species sensitif, semua benda aku nak terasa) - I FEEL TOO MUCH, but think less XD
so aku harap lepas ni kalau ditakdirkan dapat kerja lain ke apa, at least sistem immunity aku terhadap species manusia-manusia jelmaan iblis ini (aku dah kata, bila aku beremosi aku cenderung untuk menggunakan kata-kata yang berunsurkan kecelakaan, haha) sudah terbina kukuh,so takdela first day kena marah nanti meraung-raung beli tiket balik pandan indah. eh

poyos la entry kalini
tapi bila masa pula tak pernah poyos ?XD

kla adioss
(da la x bagi salam)

Aku yang menggunakan pekerjaan sebagai disguise untuk mengusya jejaka2 sador di MYTAR hahaha

Seriously.

How old are you now? Me? I turned 23 last June.
   Really? So how's it feel being an adult? My feeling, you say? Urm, nothing much changed. Just doing the same old thing, managing same old stuff.
     Oh? What you doing now? Urm..I'm working.
What? Where? I thought you said you wanted to further studies? Shhh..that's just between you and me. Lets just say I've lost interest to continue studying.
           Uhhm thats sad.. What's sad? Me? I dont feel sad. In fact I feel completely happy with my choice. With my life now.
             Well are you? I am. Truly I am happy now.

                                                      ******************
What's with that expression? Uhh sorry, I just don't take you as a person who can be satisfied with only having this, and not getting what you really wanted.
      Well, guess you're wrong. I guess I am..
                  I mean, you're wrong in terms of perceiving what is it that I really wanted. Oh? What do you mean? I've known you for ages. During that period you've been telling me about your dream of studying until you get the highest recognition from everyone.
          I did huh? Yes. You did. So what happen now?

I guess I lied. *laugh* What? You lied about wanting to further studies? That doesnt make any sense.
     It doesnt. But I'm not talking about furthering studies anymore now. I'm talking about lying to your question just now. What? What are you saying exactly? Which question?

I'm sorry I lied to you before. I guess being and adult did change me a lot *smile*

*HAPPINESS IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT GETTING THE THINGS THAT YOU WANTED.
        SOMETIMES IT IS ABOUT GIVING SOMEONE ELSE THE THING THAT THEY NEEDED. :)


DBT, 18/12/13, 9.58 pm
signing off.

It's a cloudy day. Then slowly the rain starts to pour. You're getting ready to get off to work. Clothes has been ironed, shoes are clean, then when you walked outside the waters soaked your clothes. Your clean shoes picking up dirts. You starting to curse silently. Hating the rain, hating the weather. People walked past by you, you give them a glare. You're hating everyone.

It was supposed to be a normal day. A usual walk to your work place. But then when the rain started falling down, it changes everything.

Walking down the road, under the broken umbrella, you started to think how much unfortunate can this day become when a speeding car splashes a whole bucket of water towards you. This time you cursed very loudly. You yelled at the driver, but because it was blurry and noisy due to the weather, not even one soul stopped to care. Not even the speeding driver.

You're now drenched in wet. You're started to cry. You thought to yourself how your prediction was right. How this is really not your day. You were supposed to reach office by five minutes, but because of the rain, because of all the unfortunate events the rain "had" caused, you're going to be yelled by your boss too. You hated the rain so much, for what it had caused you, to the point of you yelling at the sky, angrily. Blaming everything on the rain, on the stupid weather, said you.

Then suddenly a boy reached out for your hand. Opening your palms, he put on it a flower. A real one, not a plastic flower you often find at your office, or even your house. That boy then gives you a sweet, pure smile, telling you not to be mad, because it will make your face looks less prettier. You accepted the flower, hold it in your hand, while staring at the strange boy with a perplexed look for the longest period of time before he finally walked away, leaving you alone.

The rain still pours heavily. A lot of puddles were formed on the road. You reached the office so late you were scolded big time by the boss.

But at the end of the day, a flower blooms beautifully in a vase on your table. And looking up the mirror, you can see a beautiful smile plastering all over a beautiful face.

"Thank you, boy. It's not so bad a day after all."

The End.


"It's not about how life treating you. It's about how you treated your life"
@ copyrights DBT Dec 2013
11.28 pm
signing off.

I open my eyes everyday with the same feeling I had with me the other day. Dont you think it's such a wonder? We drift off to sleep every night, not knowing, sometimes not even care, if we would be able to wake up again and see the light of the new day. We have been living like this for so many years that we're now taking our own lives just for granted.

Life is a bless. So does being able to breathe, to pump up blood and oxygen, to eat, to move our limbs, to act involuntarily, and to function normally.

I remember when I used to walk along the road of Masjid Jamek. Seeing the incapable, the blinds, the amputees, trying to meet their ends meet. It was saddening. Although they looked okay, but not for us, the ables. We tend to think how awful their lives must have been. Imagined not being able to see, to hear, to talk, or to use our limbs properly. We empathized with them. But was that enough? We then gave them the cheapest note from our purse, hoping that would make their lives for that day ended better, but in all honesty, what did we knew? We left the road, feeling proud with our own conscience and good deed, but how about their own feelings? At the end of the day, we're all still strangers.

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile" - Albert Einstein


Life offers us with great opportunities. Often so many that we were not able to catch up. But have you yet realized what the greatest opportunity is out there? The one that we should have grabbed at instant. It took me some times to figure it out.

It is the opportunity to serve, my friend, most and foremostly, to HIM. He owns you. He owns us. He owns everything. With that said, who in their right mind would not want to become closer to him? "Don't ever let ourselves become strangers with our own creator." Points to ponder.

somebody had scored a medical check up appointment for a job that she havent yet secured.

somebody had to go to the panel clinic tomorrow to perform the medical check up.

but guess who had to cancel the whole appointment tomorrow?

and because of what?

because she is a woman, and was damn grateful for it.

lol. this whole situation is so drama like. her life is a drama! (^v^) HAHAHA


p/s : for those who still havent a clue, here's a point to ponder. "medical check up included urine test."

kbaii

Hi.

have you ever experienced any sickness that is difficult for you to explain? of course, every sickness sometimes can only be explained by specialties, but what i'm trying to point out here is the kind of a very strange, not-your-everyday stuffs sickness that happens to you without you knowing it.

like having a very excruciating pain around your wrist thus preventing you from being able to do anything with your hand, or even, to lift it up? like what happened to me last week?

if you do, then you're part of this case. it's not actually that fascinating, this case. but since i experienced it first hand, i became very curious about it and had tried to research it as much as i can.

so here goes :

one day i felt my wrist was sore. thought that maybe it was just a normal pain i get from doing chores on daily basis i just shake it off, feeling confident that it wont last long. but after a few days, the pain got worse that it woke me up from sleep one night. i thought i slept weird so i just brought my hand on  my stomach to sleep. but the next morning when i woke up for prayer i felt the pain was so intensified that i had to tell my mom. she applied some ointment around the painful area and wondered what did i do to get that kind of a sore wrist. to be honest, i also cannot remember. i never experienced a pain so excruciating like this i told my mom i thought maybe i had fractured my wrist or worse, broken it. but it doesnt feel like broken (though i never experienced breaking bones before). it felt more like my arteries are swollen and inflamed, however when you look at it from any directions there is not even one sign of inflammation. well, of course i was talking about the famous cardinal signs. though there is pain, but you cannot see any redness, any swelling and i dont feel hotness around that area.

when we're about to go to the clinic, my mom suddenly had an idea about what causes this phenomenon. she said she'd experienced this kind of a symptom before, it is called GAS. well, being a biomedical science major, i know gas pain only occurred at the stomach, caused by acid reflux in the stomach, and they are the causes of stomach ache and heartburn. but never did i ever knew that it could happen at other body area.

so i googled for information and there it is, i read some cases about people who had experienced an equal symptoms like mine and they were caused by gas. apparently there are a lot of nerve endings in our stomach and thus gas can travel through it and cause pain elsewhere in the body. fascinating right?

so, how do you cure the pain? naturally, when having gas in the stomach people would burp to release it, but when it involves other parts of the body, i guess different approaches have to be used. as for me, i take some gas pills called POVIL, an antacid tablets that works by neutralising the acids in the stomach, and after a day, all thanks to Allah, the pain slowly started to subside and i can fully use my hand again at the end of the day.

so, to summarize this all up, human body is very mysterious, dont you think? with a little bit of outside changes can cause your body to react differently. well, that is cause we were built perfectly by our creator. there's a reason for every single thing. therefore we should never dare not to forget that all pain, all cure, all difficulties and happiness, they all come from Allah. so whenever you're sick, dont only seek medication for your pain comfort, but remember to seek for his help and blessings too for a comfort of your heart and soul and for He is The One that causes EVERYTHING to happens.

why this sudden post? well, first of all because i admitted that i had turned my heart away from Him slightly these past few days because i was frustrated. and i realized my khilaf now.
second of all, is because i missed blogging (or ranting, actually) so very much! blogging had been my second hobby after all before, so i just thought right now (since i have nothing else important to do a.k.a is still very much jobless) would be the perfect time to come back as a fresh blogger! way to go me. hehe

and, as a closure, if anyone ever feel interested to learn more about (this sounds very corny!) gas, feel free to click on this link here http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gas/

it's not too late to say happy eid mubarak right? still got 3 days left. have a good one people :)

harga RON95 (gas) naik 20 sen. surely is a pain in the gas right? ha ha ha syukurlah. empat tahun lagi undilah mereka lagi. ha ha ha pasti naik 40 sen pulak. ha ha ha

cari kerja. cari kerja. celik mata ja cari kerja (a bit exaggerating there) but that's how my life rolls these days. before graduating, to be honest, i dont give a f*** about finding myself a job. thought of giving myself a months or two at home, relaxing all day (basically means doing nothing all day) then off to find a job, get a job, get my paycheck, buy a car and get married. oh my model life.

but who the f*** would have known that finding a job would be this f***ing difficult? LOL.

few of a friend encouraged me to pursue with Msc. but how the f*** would i be able to if the pocket aint got no money? heck, i dont even have the money to apply. and what's the deal of charging own Malaysian citizens with application fees in order to apply for Msc at their place? f***ing beurocrats. f***ing politics.

i went for an interview last time. they said if i get the job they will call in 2 weeks. it's been 3 weeks now. no calls. guess i've blown that job off. what a pity. thought i could make some real money from there.

i know this post aint pretty. i've been using a lot of profanity and very unpretty words in my post lately (lately?? i dont recall updating anything recently?). i think ageing did that to me.

good lord. i'm getting older. single. and unemployed. there, my perfect model life.

kbai.

Bismillah..

Oh boy. a lot of things has been going on in my life lately. but most and foremost is.. I have officially completed my degree!!! yayy!! who knows man? who knows? i mean like seriously. it feels like only yesterday i was going to lab and conducting lab works, mintak barang dari puan azmira, terkejar-kejar nak buat labwork sebab tak nak miss lunch time (eating is a compulsory activity no matter how busy i would become), bunuh tikus, tarik paru-paru tikus, homogenate paru-paru tikus and separuh mati make sure takde buat silap bila buat kerja kat lab ppsp time puan ASNIDA hader, sprint up and down naik turun tangge nak pulang kunci lab, buat muka toye (a.k.a carik gaduh) depan budak master everytime masuk lab diorang. GODD. it's been that long alreadyy?? :D who would have belib it?? who knew i could survive??

maann. final year was the toughest period. before this i cant wait to see the day where i finally finished all my lab works, finished presenting my project, finish with viva, and finish submitting my thesis. and now is the time! everything's done! but why am i having this heavy feeling??

two days ago i was fine like an ignorant cat. my mind said what up with the sadness?? its not like we're not going to EVAH see each other again after this? mark invented Facebook. there's intagram and whatnots, so make an effort, and STAY CONNECT!

but that was before, now i was like,

huwarghhhhh I MISS MY FREAKIN' FRIENDS SO FREAKIN' MUCHHH!! WHY WONT THEY GO ONLINE EBERY MINUTE?? WHY DONT THEY POST THEIR LATEST PICTURES EVERY SINGLE HOURR?? WHY??

the house was empty and it emits this uneasy vibes. it makes me want to cryyy. sob2..

and everyone's going home already which means i'm the only one left in this freakish empty houseaaah~~

=======================================================================

OK. that was very immatured. (geleng kepala). so to speak, now that i'm no longer a student (currently) so what;s the next step? when people asked me, the answer would always be, I DONT KNOW. really. however, it's not like i dont have any real plans or two. i do have. in fact, it has already started. the thing is, why i'm still in the dark is because i dont really know which plan am i going to execute first? my top priority is to make mum happy. and after that comes my necessity. so that's what been bugging me ever since.

it's true like they said. real life is challenging. well, i feel it now. it's challenging alright. you're making decisions every single minute. and that's..considering my inability to make one, is very very very friggin effin TOUGH!

so..really. what's going to happen next? i might still have no idea yet. But HE SURELY DOES. Please Allah, guide me through it :). Amiinnnn

-semoga Allah memberkati kita semua-

sejak menganggur banyak masa nak edit gamba selca sendiri okbai

kerana aku punya rasa malu..

In Shaa Allah :') Sesungguhnya Dialah yang sebaik-baik perancang. Sebaik-baik penentu. Tunjukkan aku jalan yang terbaik Ya Allah. Semoga dengan hikmahMu hamba ini akan menjadi hamba yang lebih baik. Berjiwa kental. Beriman yang tidak puput. Taqwa pada setiap masa. Dan menjadi hamba yang tidak pernah lupa untuk berasa syukur. Demi agama. Demi dakwah atas jalanMu. Demi RasulMu. Demi kedua ibu bapa,keluargaku, serta umat mukmin keseluruhannya.

Kepada Engkau doa aku panjatkan..aaminn

He was already in pain. He told me it was too cold he cant bear it. But he continued driving. For me. To make sure i reach there safely.

Pengorbanan terakhir seorang ayah untuk aku. Maka nikmat tuhan yang manakah yang engkau dustakan?

Allahu Allah. Aku terlalu rindukan dia. Aku rindukan ayahku ya Allah...

Mak jarang nangis. Even on that day, she hardly ever cried. acting strong for us, for her family. but yesterday she let it all out.

Mak : "arwah ayah dapat pekerja terbaik dik. company nak bagi 500. mak tak boleh tahan mak nangis kat telefon"

it hurts so much to hear it. nothing can compare to the feelings of knowing that your mother is sad and yet nothing you can do about it. its not something that my presence could cure. not something that my words could relieve..its a lot more than that..

mak sunyi tapi mak jarang kata apa-apa. mak rindu ayah tapi mak tak pernah nangis depan anak. anak-anak mak tak balik selalu mak tak pernah pun merungut. aku tak pernah bagi mak apa-apa tapi mak tak pernah sekali pun mengungkit.

"losing someone you loved is not something you can get over with. its something that you have to learn to lived with.."

and from that moment I promised myself that I would do anything in my power to give her happiness. with my achievement. my success. my happiness. because she is everything in my world now. she's all I got. she's the reason I'm here. and I will try my best for her. even if it means losing everything else. as long as she would be happy.

as long as she's happy.. nothing else would matters.

I can be bad sometimes..

Along : "Weh rama orang tanya aku mana taman ni. Dorang nak gi sini gak hewhew"

I told her dont tell. Hewhew. This will be our sacred place. Our dirty little secret. :p

Malaysian Symposium on Biomedical Sciences. USM Kubang Kerian Kelantan, 11-12 May 2013
Suddenly thinking of presenting my FYP in English =/

Really thought after Pasum's time there would be no more numbers come meddling in my life.

Well, obviously I thought it wrong, no surprise. Hurm..

Today's the first day of May. to a lot of people, it is a day to be celebrated. because it's labour's day. every workers got a day off today. for us, for me, this also is one special day. very special indeed. because it's his birthday. my father's birthday.

we would always be each other's favorite. always. I love you so much ayah..

A silly girl like me live her life getting a new crush every once in a while.

but those silly crushes (since they were silly) are quick to be forgotten.

I met with a new crush, develop feelings for him for a week or so, and then the feelings would just vanished. be gone forever.

but there's this one crush that is hard even for me to ignore. The feeling's are so strong sometimes I do not know how to manage it.



be gone now, Candy Crush!! I need to finish my work lar!

true story!!